4 Game-Changing Insights From My First Year Of Marriage

4 Game-Changing Insights From My First Year Of Marriage

23 September 2019

It’s now been one year since my husband and I stood in front of our nearest and dearest and said ‘I do’. It truly was one of the greatest days of my life, and the best part is, the love-fest has continued to grow and expand since then.

We celebrated our first year of marriage together with a weekend trip away to Hamilton Island. On our actual anniversary day, we sat on the beach and watched the sunrise (just like we did on our wedding day) and shared the biggest things we have learnt with each other over the past year. We also shared the three things we want to let go of and three things we want to call in more of.

I honestly had no expectations going into married life, I just knew it would unfold the way it’s meant to. And without a shadow of a doubt, it has blown my heart and mind wide open. It’s funny how social conditioning has led us to believe that once you’re married, the intimacy dissolves and the spark dims; it’s actually been quite the opposite for us. Each day our love deepens and our hearts expand. I believe this is because we are not only committed to each other, we are also fiercely committed to our own growth as individuals. I think this is a key reason why some relationships dissolve and others don’t. It’s that fierce commitment to our own growth and evolution that keeps us on track; it allows us to have a bigger vision, which easily outweighs any tantrums or petty arguments.

In saying this, I want to let you know, that yes, we have discussions. Not arguments, fights or rowdy disagreements, but open and heartfelt conversations expressing how we truly feel. I am telling you this because I don’t want you to think, ‘Oh she’s “perfect”, she and her man never fight’.On the one hand,  yes — that's kind of true. We don’t ‘fight’ so to speak, we never have (and if you met my husband, you’d see he is the most calm, patient and gracious man, so fighting with him would be… well, rather hard!) We do, however, have discussions or as I like to call them love chats, where we sit down and express ourselves from the heart. If one of us is not in our heart we won’t start talking until they are. We both need to be in that pure, open heart-space for us to truly connect. It’s like attracts like, really: if I am speaking from my Mean Girl (a.k.a. ego/fear), I will reach his ego; but if I speak from my heart, I will reach his heart.

My best advice to anyone in a relationship is to only start those important conversations once you are both sitting in that sacred heart-energy. I know what you’re thinking though: How (the heck) do you tune in to your heart-space if you’re feeling angry and heated? The answer is simple: walk away, sister! Take yourself to the bathroom, splash some water on your face, jump up and down, shake your booty, do whatever you need to do to shift your energy. And do not return to the discussion until you are smack-bang anchored firmly in your heart.

Now that I’ve run off on that little tangent, let’s get back on track! Today I want to share with you the four biggest game-changing insights I’ve had from my first year of marriage...

Lesson #1

The best thing you can do for your partner and marriage (or any relationship, for that matter) is to flex your self-love muscle. I know that the times I feel snappy towards my man are the times when I am feeling crappy within myself, and it’s actually got nothing to do with him. Maybe I missed a meditation, or didn’t get as much sleep as I would have liked, or haven’t taken time out for me in a few days. I can tell you right now: for me, that’s a recipe for disaster. You want to see cranky Melissa? Then remove those three things from my day and watch out sister, ‘cause it ain’t pretty!

My promise to me: Each day I will re-commit to myself. I will show up to my yoga mat and meditation pillow like a loyal Labrador and commit to flexing my self-love muscle. Because I know that when I do, not only is life juicer for me, but my marriage rocks.

Lesson #2

Being in any partnership — whether it’s marriage, friendship, business or family — you are committing not only to yourself, but to each other. And when you show up half full, that has repercussions — for both of you. This lesson ties into lesson #1 about flexing your self-love muscle. You have to take responsibility for how you are showing up. If I am feeling crappy and can’t shake it off, I will tell my husbo that I need some time for me. I may go have an Epsom salt bath, go for a walk in the park, have a cup of herbal tea on the balcony, or sneak off for a swim in the ocean, and I won’t return until I have shaken off that funk (FYI — sometimes I am gone for hours!). But when I return, I make sure I have dumped my baggage (whatever it was) and I don’t bring it in the door with me. This is huge! If we all left our baggage at the door each day before we walked in to greet our loved ones, imagine how much more present we would be and how much more enjoyable life would become.

My promise to me: I promise to make sure that when I walk in the door, I have checked in with myself and dumped any baggage that is no longer serving me. I fiercely commit to showing up as the full and present ‘me’ when I greet my loved ones. Life is so much better when I do.

Lesson #3

Always better together, united as one front. I believe any partnership is about being open, sharing, being supportive, truthful and authentic. In my past relationships, I was stubbornly independent out of fear. I felt like I couldn’t really open up 100% and be my true self because I was scared to death of getting my heart broken again. So I fenced off a tiny piece of my heart. But since meeting my husband, I have learned that being united and together is always better. I have also learned that the only way to show up is to be your true authentic self. Any other version of me — quite frankly — stinks.

My promise to me: Each day I will commit to being my true authentic self. I will be truthful, open, honest and vulnerable, and allow my man in. Even when I want to close off, run away and hide, I will practice opening up to the present moment.

Lesson #4

I recently caught up with some old friends, who spent the whole time complaining about their partners and married life. They then proceeded to ask me how my marriage was going, with the expectation that I was going to whinge about my man and how much married life sucked. Instead I responded with, ‘It’s the best thing ever; being married rocks!’which is my truth but it totally took them by surprise.
There is a prevailing myth that marriage — or any relationship, for that matter — has to be hard work. And although it takes fierce commitment and dedication to showing up as your best self, it doesn’t have to be hard. It is what you make it, and I choose to make it blissful. Why? Because life is so much more fun that way.

My promise to me: I promise to speak my truth and remind myself that life doesn’t have to be hard. I am the one making the choices each day and if I don’t like what I choose, I can choose again.

"Relationships are our teachers. They are opportunities to step up and bust through fear."

Full Article: https://melissaambrosini.com/love/4-game-changing-insights-from-my-first-year-of-marriage/

Ambrosini, M. (n.d.). 4 game-changing insights from my first year of marriage. Retrieved from https://melissaambrosini.com/love/4-game-changing-insights-from-my-first-year-of-marriage/